Longing for “Normal” or Something…

Cars colouring in book by artist de Shan

Longing for “Normal” or Something…


It’s been way too long since I wrote a blog post. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been meaning to, but Christmas just charged right in, and the summer school holiday is my busiest time of the year. So, I was inundated and I’m happiest when I’m just flopping into bed at night after a long day of work, exhausted. But now: I miss the markets. And I miss your company there. In the meantime, I’m grateful that in the absence of physical spaces to meet and gather, we at least have this!

What’s new in the past month? Well, I’ve managed to have a few good cries, I’m finding it challenging living with another person full time, and we seem to be in each other’s hip pocket, and while there is a lot of love there, there is also a lot of getting used to. I have tried to work in the studio, lonely and overwhelmed by tasks large and small. I have not known where to begin. I have been coping with all of this emotion by doing a deep dive into reorganising my closets and pantry, cleaning like crazy, and baking as many cookies and types of breads that I possibly can (and I am gluten intolerant, so this is challenging, but the gluten has seeped back into my world…) I’ve finished “To Kill a Mockingbird” (which will make it my 7th read in my lifetime), and am well into “The Davinci Code” (for the 3rd time in my life). I’ve also been riding my bike on the beachside trails nearly every day and diving in for a swim afterwards.

I need to be in the studio, making art, but I seem to have lost my way… And I scrambled a bit to come up with the downloadable Colouring Books and the Homemade Face Masks, both of which I’m super pleased with how they went. The masks were my first sell-out in less than 24 hours ever!! Thank you!

I have wondered where comfort ends and denial / avoidance / depression begin. 

We are all healthy. We have food and warm beds and clean clothes. Basic needs? Met. Whatever sadness I’m struggling with at the moment I know is situational. I mean, this is a crazy and extreme situation! It’s okay to feel sad about it. It’s okay to not want to weed the garden, or to reorganize the carport. It’s okay to just feel a longing for the lives we were living a few weeks ago. I mean hopefully, I’ll find my way back into a better frame of mind in short order, but longing comes from a place of love. I love the markets and the life it has allowed me to live inside of it. Of course I miss them.

I’m finding it a greater logistical challenge to work on new things while I’m at home than wishful thinking promised me. So I might let you in on a little project that would be of benefit to many families self-isolating at the moment, in an email to announce the small project I’ve been alluding to. It will just require a tiny bit of time with my computer and all my imagery, a little bit of tweaking here and there, and lots of sunshine — just a few of my other basic needs. 

Wishing you your own version of unlimited biscuits and bicycling and adaptations to make it to the other side of this. And lots of love to boot.

de Shan xoxo

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